(Psych Review/Recaps will be done in full, and will not be shortened at all (that’s redundant). There’s just too much going on in the episode to shorten it.)
So… this episode doesn’t suck! Seriously!
So Lassie (who is so damn adorable in this episode that I completely fell in love with him) is at a bar, unwinding from his day when this girl (Kristy Swanson! Buffy!) shows up, knows his name and starts chatting him up. Lassie comments on her necklace. She ends up sneaking out through the bathroom leaving Lassie alone and sad.
Cut to an attack on the top of a roof of a parking garage where a hooded figure attacks some dude by his car. (Question: the lights all creepily went out, you’re on the top of the parking garage by yourself, your car won’t start… why the f*ck would you get out of the car?! Apparently this guy has never seen a horror movie in his life. Dumbass.)
It’s the next morning and Jules, Shawn and Gus are now on scene with the dead guy. Lassie shows up, asks McNab if he has found anything out about the girl that he had drinks with; nope. Lassie heads over the body where it turns out the victim is clutching the girl’s necklace and has puncture marks on his neck and wrists. Shawn declares Vampires. Lassie agrees with him (whhhhhhaaaaaaaatttttt??)
Jules ends up going to a vampire bar (there’s an awesome scene with Woody before this too. New nicknames!). She’s on the phone with Shawn who ends up showing up with Gus… Dressed as Lestat and Blacula (who ends up getting mistaken for Count Chocula the entire episode hehehe). They go up to the guy at the bar (Corey Feldman!!) She asks him if anything weird has happened; somebody called and asked for a real pint of blood. Jules, vampire wannabes in tow, go to check the phone records.
Meanwhile Lassie is at a jewelry show (Bling Crosby… best. Name. ever!) asking if they have a record of anyone whose bought the necklace that the girl he was chatting up was wearing. The guy says that they don’t keep those kinds of records. The guy mentions that he likes Lassie’s watch, Lassie remembers that the girl touched his watch and low and behold there’s a finger print on it!
Cut to a creepy house where it turns out the girl, Marlowe, lives with 3 other guys (but it’s ok because she has no carnal knowledge of them). Lassie asks to see the necklace, she shows it to him. He also asks where she went last night after she left him. She watched him in his car. She was scared of how much she liked him. They are about to make out. Next thing we know there is a knock on the door…
Jules, Shawn and Gus all barge in, see Lassie and Marlowe and get wtf looks on their faces. Turns out the call for the pinto of blood came from Marlowe’s house, Lassie ends up being her alibi. (awe, Lassie!) Jules asks her about her roommates, one is named Lucian… ya, they want to know where he is.
Cut to Lucian sitting in an interrogation room. Shawn and Gus sneakily open the door and toss a clove of garlic at him. Nothing. They bust in the room, Gus wielding holy water (blessed over the phone… and know it doesn’t work like that), Shawn with silver chains. Nothing. They go after him with the silver, still nothing. Jules busts in interrogates the guy, he was working. Shawn remembers a room in the house with a broken mirror and a litter box. There’s an address. Shawn says they need to go there.
Cut to a blood bank where Shawn believes the other roommate is… and that the other roommate is a shape shifter and turns into a cat. They see a cat entering the bank, and immediately Shawn and Gus’s suspicions are confirmed (SHAPE SHIFTER!) They enter the building, follow the cat (Shawn holding a crossbow (and he looks REALLY good with that crossbow… just saying) and Gus with a mirror and cross.) The see a hooded figure on both sides of the building seconds after eachother. They here glass breaking and go check it out. Nobody is there. They bring in reinforcements and find a fingernail… a fingernail that matches the fingernails the Marlowe had one.
Cut to Lassie’s apartment where Lassie is getting some (and I’m happy for Lassie… he needs a little lovin). Jules, Shawn, Gus, Henry, and McNab all knock on the door to make sure that Lassie isn’t dead (I think Lassie can handle himself… just saying.) Lassie’s fine, and pissed “Contrary to public opinion I don’t get this kind of action every night!” Jules shows Lassie the fingernail, Marlowe says it’s just coincidence. They go to investigate Marlowe’s house.
Cut to Marlowe’s house where the gang (excluding Lassie… He’s hanging out with Marlowe. Awes!) is combing through her house. Shawn finds a bag of blood in her freezer. Lassie arrests her and hands her off to Jules. He leaves. Jules leaves. Shawn and Gus are debating what to do with the blood when Shawn accidentally squirts blood all over Gus. (One of the greatest slow motion scenes of all time… completely over dramatic and the look on the both of their faces is just priceless.)
Cut to Shawn’s dads house. Gus is in shock. Henry and Shawn are slapping him, poking and prodding him, nothing. Shawn gets a call from Jules, another person has been attacked behind a bagel joint Lock Stock and Two Toasted Bagels. Shawn : “Best name for a bagel joint ever!” Jules tells Shawn to punch Gus as hard as he can, do whatever he has to to get them both down to the hospital. Shawn gets ready to hit Gus when Gus snaps out of it and punches Shawn (so freaking awesome. I was laughing my ass off.)
Cut to the hospital where the guy that got attacked is no help to the gang. Shawn gets a glimpse of his hospital chart, the guy has O-Negative blood. Shawn gets Gus to distract the doctor by pretending to slip a disk and gets a look at the medical records. Shawn notices that there are only a handful of people who have O-Neg blood and Marlowe’s brother is one of them. The brother also suffers from a blood disease called Von Willebrand disease which requires blood to be transfused a lot. Shawn realizes that the brother must have become a liability to the insurance company which refused to cover him. They tell Jules who realizes that Lassie has O-Neg blood (oh shit!)
Cut to Lassie’s apartment where he is drunk and on the phone with Marlowe who is trying to explain to him that he is in danger. Lassie is too drunk to listen. There is a knock on the door and Lassie gets chloroformed by Marlowe’s brother who, as it turns out, is the guy from the jewelry shop. Lassie is tied up by the couch, the brother explains that he’s not a bad guy, the guy in the parking garage was alive when he left him. He says that Marlowe never hurt anybody, all she did was steal the blood so he could live, and that’s what it was there for… to help someone live. He explains that Lassie was Marlowe’s first mark and that didn’t work out because Marlowe is “all sweet on him.” Lassie breaks free and knocks the brother out. Jules, Shawn and Gus are frantically knocking on the door and Lassie answers, looking deranged. He says he’s been building up a tolerance for chloroform. Gus doesn’t believe him and thinks that it has to be a different toxin. He sniffs it and passes out.
Cut to the police station where Lassie is trying to write something on a piece of paper with Jules, Shawn and Gus watching in the background. Jules, Shawn and Gus decide that one of them has to go talk to him. Shawn and Gus rock paper scissors to decide. Shawn uses “spider” he loses and goes to talk to Lassie who blows him off and leaves.
Cut to a visiting area where Lassie is meeting Marlowe. Lassie tells her that he understands why she did what she did. They talk about Clint Eastwood movies. Lassie looks like he’s in love and holds up a piece of paper that says: “My Dear Sweet Marlowe, I will wait for you these six to eighteen months. See you next Wednesday.” (OMG LASSIE I LOVE YOU! (not as much as Shawn… but still…)) Cue corny fireworks. The End.
Gus: “It’s like the Road Runner stopping and saying, ‘You know what Wile E.? You’ve earned this. Blow me up.” Shawn: “You’re saying the coyote has a first name?” Gus: “Yeah.” Shawn: “It’s not O S C A R?” Gus: “That’s bologna.” Shawn: “You’re bologna.”
Lassie: “I owe you two nothing and you look like a couple of asshats in those ridiculous costumes.” Shawn: “I’m dangerous… in a sexy way.” Marlowe: “More like a gay way.” Gus: “Well I am straight up iconic.” Marlowe: “I don’t call Count Chocula an icon.” Gus: “I’m Blacula. And you’re going to be under arrest you succubus!”
Jules: “God, I used to be a detective and now I’m a babysitter.” Shawn: “that makes you Elisabeth Shue. Gus is Keith Coogan.” Gus: “You’re Coogan.” Shawn: “You’re momma’s Coogan.”
Shawn: “Did I just see what my brain is telling my eyes I saw?”
Doctor: “How did you know his blood type.” Shawn: “Uhh… it’s a special gift that I bust out on rare occasions. Almost all the time.”
Lassie: “I welcomed you inside that cage. I offered you a season pass to the Festival of Light that happens inside my chest cavity.” Marlowe: “Festival? Like Chanukah?”
Gus: “Rock paper scissors?” Shawn: “Fine.” Gus: “What’s that?” Shawn: “Spider!”
Overall grade: B+. I did enjoy this episode, but too me, it didn’t have the awesomeness that last weeks episode did. I loved all the guest stars though. Kristy Swanson and Corey Feldman FTW! And I did enjoy that the story wrapped around Lassiter finally getting a love life. I’ve been waiting for that for SO long and the chemistry between him and Marlowe was awesome! I can’t wait to see the development of that relationship. I am still rather disappointed that we have yet to get a “And this is my partner…” and that there has only been one flashback to little Shawn.. Also: need extended opening!!! Just saying.
What did you think of “This Episode Sucks?” Hit the Comments!
Next new episode of “Psych” airs November 2nd at 10pm EST on USA.