First of all, yes, I know this is a day late, but life happens so, it’s up now! =D
We start off with Older Ted rambling about how technology has taken all the intrigue out of life, but before all the invention of smart phones the gang would debate about random things at the bar (ie the most popular food in America. Cue Robin Canadaing it up “Pancakes and Maple syrup.”) Then smart phones came along and took all the mystery out of life. (Answer to “what is the most popular food in America? Bread. Bar room debate = dead.)
Now to the present where we discover that Marshall and Lilly have an envelope that contains the information as to what the baby’s sex is. They want to wait and be surprised when Lilly gives birth, Barney has the intense desire to know now, but Marshall and Lilly don’t want to define gender roles for the baby. Cue Robin saying that they should define gender roles early.
Flashback: Robin when she is 14 being shoved out of a helicopter by her father into the Canadian woods for 3 days. She is to survive with only a knife. (Cue me going WTF?! Her dad is a total douche.)
Back to the present Barney asks Robin’s boyfriend Kevin what he thinks about that (the flashback). Kevin: “if you think I’m going to go near that YOU’RE crazy.” Robin: “Why did you emphasize you’re?” Kevin: “No reason, you’re pretty!”
Ted comes back to the booth and announces that he struck up a random conversation with a girl at the bar and then asked her out. She agreed. Cue Robin and Barney thinking that there is something wrong with her and pulling out their smart phone. Ted says that he wants to keep the mystery alive and goes back to the bar to ask his date (Janet McIntyre) not to do any internet research to which she agrees. (Cue Robin and Barney: “The bitch is hiding something.” Again, WHY AREN’T THESE TWO TOGETHER?!?!)
Marshall and Lilly (are these two capable of doing anything by themselves?!) had asked everyone to come over to their apartment to help paint the baby’s room. Robin and Barney show up with their laptops still doing research on Janet McIntyre. Lilly busts out the gender neutral paint: yellow (and not the pretty, sunshiney yellow, that ugly yellow with a tinge of green in it that made me want to vomit.) Barney starts pestering Lilly and Marshall to open the envelope saying that if they don’t they will get a crappy gender neutral gift on their baby shower . Cue slideshow: boy gets a baseball outfit, girl a princess outfit, gender neutral gets a potato sack. (my favorite part of the slideshow was the “Directed by: McG. Awesome.)
Robin then exclaims that she found Janet McIntyre; she’s been widowed three times. Cue everyone saying that they have to stop the date and Kevin freaking the hell out “You are all the most codependent, incestuous group of people I’ve ever met!” Barney asks why, and Kevin lists some disturbing qualities that the gang poses: separation anxiety, inappropriate social behavior. In fact the only thing that he didn’t note was physical violence. Cue flashback of slap bet, kneeing people in the nuts and all other violent acts that occurred on this show. Kevin says that meddling in Ted’s love life and M/L baby is deeply dysfunctional. Barney: “So what you’re saying is we’re fine?” Kevin apologizes for going off on everyone and says that he’ll paint the entire apartment to make it up to them. Everyone is cool with that.
Meanwhile, on his date, Ted is lost without the internet. He starts rambling about the font on the menu. He then exclaims that he is having problems coming up with topics for them to talk about. He tests her by asking her a seeming random question “Do you like Annie Hall?” She says that she thinks its not random at all and it’s a way for him to test out if a girl is cool or not. She says she loves Annie Hall. Ted: “oh thank god, you’re cool.”
Back at the apartment, Barney has discovered the real Janet McIntyre and texts Ted to open a link that he sent him. Ted refuses. Barney is still bothering M/L about the sex of their baby so finally Marshall gives in and lets him and Robin look. BIG MISTAKE (Marshall, you’re a dumbass). They begin mocking him and Lilly breaks saying that they have to know. Barney hands them back the envelope only to have ripped the answer in half, keeping the half with the gender of the baby on it. He says the only way that he will give it to them is if they read about Janet McIntyre which they do. They then send Ted a text saying that he has to open the link.
Ted begins freaking out wondering what could be wrong with Janet. Is she a prostitute? A dude? Does she not really like Annie Hall? He opens the link and discovers that Janet is amazing. She graduated Harvard at 15, donated a kidney to someone that needed it, climbed Mt. Everest etc (which totally bummed me out. I was hoping for something horrifying like she was wanted for mass murder or something… not that she was great… ugh. I’m sorry, I was disappointed.) Now the problem is that Ted is an intimidated blubbering idiot. Janet discovers that he had looked her up online and gets pissed and leaves.
Back and M/L’s apartment, Barney gives M/L the other half of the card with the baby’s gender on it. They debate whether or not they want to know the gender of the baby. Marshall takes matters into his own hands and chucks the card out the window. Ted comes back to the apartment, tells the group about his date and puts his feet up on the chair. Turns out the other half of the card is stuck to the bottom of his shoe and that M/L are having a boy (which isn’t a big reveal. Diehard fans of the show will remember that in the episode “Last Cigarette Ever” old voiceover Ted tells the audience that Marshall’s last cigarette was “the day his son was born” so… ya, kind of already knew that.)
Overall grade: C. I was not impressed by this episode. I’ve seen it twice now and both times it just seemed “meh” to me. The whole Ted mysterious date storyline was too drawn out for my liking and the end result was just disappointing. Plus the banal reveal that M/L were having a boy… ugh. I ALREADY KNEW THAT!
What did you think of “Mystery vs. History?” HIT THE COMMENTS!
Next new episode of “How I Met Your Mother” airs October 24th at 8pm EST on CBS